Tell Us Your Story

One common theme I have seen with former AAs is that there is often a moment of clarity when they finally agree with that voice in their head that something was amiss, and that the program that they had signed up for – a quit drinking fellowship – was indeed much more. Sometimes it is a single incident, like the actions of a sponsor, or something said by another member that was particularly absurd, that gave their head a shake. With others, it was simply the totality of it all, and they knew that if they were subjected to one more aphorism, or one more trite slogan, they felt like their heads might explode.

What was your moment? When did you finally have enough? Was it a particular event, or was it a process. I would be interested to hear from those who have left AA. A reverse drunkalog, if you will. What caused you leave, and what difference has it made for you.

 

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ Slogan Contest!

Update Update: We have some pretty good ones. Agent Mango came with some nice ones. It is kind of nice to see that most of our AA friends don’t like the slogans and aphorisms, either. Just so you folks know, I am using one of these pens, and it writes really well. It has nice feel to it.

UPDATE: These are supposed to be your creation, not slogans already in use. I’ve seen three pretty good ones so far:

“AA: Because thinking is hard” by Sunny
“It’s time to harvest the crust from your eyes” by Sunny
“Just Quit, It’s the Bees Knees” by Tony (must be said sarcastically, but still not bad)
“I have a disease that tells me I don’t have a disease” me, which I stole from Corky the Twelve-Step Monkey
_________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s time to put on your thinkin’ caps and stir up those creative juices, kids. We are having a competition to see who can come up with the best thought stopping AA slogan. Submissions will be graded on catchiness, inanity, wit, thought stoppability, serenity, flavor and rigorous honesty. Everyone is eligible. Easy does it!

The winner gets this inspirational serenity pen (really, we’ll send it to you):

Good Luck!!!

 

A More Civil Discussion

One of our readers e-mailed us this link from debate.org of a couple of people debating whether or not AA is a cult. It was interesting, and included most of the points that have been discussed here ad nauseum. Of course, it was slightly different in tone, as neither person spewed any racial slurs or aphorisms.

 

Happy Birthday, FTG!!

I’ve been out of commission, but I will be back very soon. I did, however, want to come on and announce:

Today is friendthegirl’s burfday!

How did a person get so wise, at such a young age?

Happy Birtday, FTG!

 

Oh … My … Dog!!!

Hat tip to Roland from Yahoo’s EFTCoAA board.

Here for all of you is a higher power you can simultaneously despise AND surrender your will & life over to:

www.mrdeity.com

If this is the guy Wilson was talking about when he wrote, “[g]od either is or he isn’t”, then I am so down with ‘IS’.

Visit, worship, donate, humbly ask for the removal of character defects, & laugh your ass off.

Go to:

health.groups.yahoo.com/group/EFTCoaa

and show ’em some love.  (We’re all grown-ups here; we can figure out what the initials stand for. Or, you can just look at the right-hand sidebar … ya eejits!)

ADDENDUM: My psychic connection with my YouTube “sponsor” grows stronger with each passing moment.  He informs me that — while this is probably just one more example of my durned ‘restlessness, irritability, & discontentment’ — he’s going to let it slide.  After all AA, he reminds me,  is like the “Hotel California”:

You can check out any time you like

But you can never lee … ee … eave

(big fat ’70s guitar solo)

Man, if that ain’t tolerance.

 

Let’s play “Guess the Slogan”

I’m not sure how widely read Examimer.com is, but I found this first part in a three part series critiquing Alcoholics Anonymous, and I am hoping for some fun comments (as I write this, I have made the only comment) from AAs who temporarily forget how serene their lives have become. What will come first: an ad hominem attack, or a thought stopping slogan? If it is a thought stopping slogan, which one will it be?

My guess is it will be the “spiritual, not religious” line, and the writer will be reminded of the millions of lives AA has saved. Any other guesses? This is on the honor system, as there may be some comments by the time you read this, so NO PEEKING!

 

Another Question for our AA folks

I have another question for our AA folks: Why won’t you answer these questions?

 

Questions for our AA folks

“It is a common misconception that “IT WORKS! IT REALLY DOES!” is a reference to the AA Program solving of the drink problem. It isn’t. The Program is not about not drinking. It is about having a spiritual awaking. The removal of the desire to drink is incidental.”

I read this comment from Danny the other day. I was happy to read it because I happen to agree with what wrote (I am amazed at how much I actually agree with our resident AAs here). I have gone back today reread some of the latest posts and comments because I have been away, and when I ran across this again I thought I would try and get a clarification from Danny, and I wanted to get a couple of other questions answered by Danny or Jim or Cuda (or any other AA), as well.

My first question is: If removal of the desire to drink is incidental to the program, why is it necessary for one to be “real alcoholic” in order to benefit? Is God only interested in solving the problems of a certain few people who have a drinking addiction?

My next question, which I asked in the comment section before, but was not answered is: What is God doing before one begins the steps, or after a person stops living the steps? Because He is omniscient, and can therefore see a person struggling, it makes me wonder why He helps only those specific alcoholics (real alcoholics) working the steps. I would understand this if AA were a religion, because there are consequences in most religions for those who question or lose faith; but, AA is not a religion, so why would God ignore non-AA, real alcoholics?

Finally, a question regarding something I had seen Cuda write in the SR Forum. He wrote: “God can be Allah, Buddah, Jesus, God, RA, etc…You can not however use a “Rock” or a “Door Stop” for your HP.” Although Cuda wrote this, it is the consensus understanding within AA, as I have seen essentially the same thing repeated hundreds of times.

My question is this: How is this not religious Heresy? It does, after all, go against the teachings of Islam and Christianity (among others), who teach that there is but one god. It is, after all, the very first commandment from God – “You shall have no other gods before Me…” Secondly, if a person truly does believe in their Christian faith, for example, that there is only the god of The Bible, and that all other gods are fiction, then how can a Christian advocate someone use one of these fictitious gods, knowing they are not real, and therefore cannot intervene in a person’s life? Obviously, it is ridiculous to have a doorknob as a higher power, but to a true believer, it is no more ridiculous or ineffective than using some other religion’s god. How is Allah more effective to a Christian AA than a doorknob? What is the difference?

And to any non-AAs, if you could refrain from any smartass comments (at least before I get some answers), I would greatly appreciate that.

 

A Brief Word From ‘The Father of Light’ Who Presides Over You All

Hey underlings, God here — or ‘HP’ for you 12-step adherents.

As you know (especially those of you in “conscious contact” with me) I’m an all-knowing, all-powerful, intervening force who’s eternal & (unless you want to be a smarty-pants & want to cite some passages attributed to me in the Old Testament & Qu’ran) all good. Bear in mind, my children, I’ve been doing this all-knowing, all-powerful thing for a very, very, VERY long time (6 thousand plus years for you evangelical types, 15 billion or so years for those of you scientifically inclined, all eternity [beyond the notion of ‘time’ if your Thomas Aquinas]). Put bluntly, that’s more than a bit of a ‘while’.

Even for us omnipotent types, that can get … a little tiring.

Put even more bluntly, I’m friggin’ tired.

So, after catching all you American-born of my children celebrate & relax over your “4th of July Holiday Weekend”, I’ve decided I’m going to take a little vacation of my own. And, lemme tell ya, controlling ‘the wills & lives’ of all you 12-step types the world over is a LOT of me-damned work. Frankly, I’m pooped. That & I’ve got to attend to the unanticipated collision of a dual giant black-holes situation in the deep galaxy. There’s (non-alcoholic) sentient beings in that little bit of galactic real estate who are pretty close to my heart, too, so I want to lend them a helping hand.

Once I take care of this dual colliding giant black-hole thing, I am — as they say ’round the way — just straight up chillin’, yo. For the forseeable future.  Got it?

So your ‘wills’ & your ‘lives’ are in your own hands.  You can mumble all the ‘Serenity Prayers’ you want; they’re just gonna fall on deaf ears.  I don’t care how many things you feel like ‘turning over’; I ain’t picking up the ball that you fumbled.

I’m kicking it large.

Out to lunch.

Gone fishin’.

You end up drunk, high, having unprotected sex, or gambling away the mortgage for third time, I don’t want to hear about it.  Tie your own me-damned shoes, pull up your me-damned drawers, & get down to the issue of taking care of the problem ON YOUR OWN.

Remember — and having said this some 4 thousand years ago to my peeps in Jerusalem I would think it would have sunk in by now — I help those who help themselves.  Throw a deity a break, here.  Wipe your own asses, already.

leavemealonealready.com

 

Just Wondering …

I’m a ZipCar member (if you live in a major metropolitan area, can’t afford a car but find that you could certainly use the convenience of one on a time-to-time basis, then I heartily recommend looking into a subscription: www.zipcar.com … plugola there zipcar; now howzabout showin “stinkin’ thinkin'” some web love?) & rented a nice little Hyundai tonight to visit some friends in the outer boroughs.

Anyway, got back before midnight & the garage where I needed to drop off the car was right next door to a church where they run a pretty constant schedule of AA meetings. Now I realize this is a family blog so I’ll try to be discreet: I had to crap like there was no tomorrow & the garage attendant wouldn’t let me use the bathroom in the garage.

So … I locked up the car, hauled ass up to the meeting (already in progress, open sharing going on — much “gratitude”, apologies for being late to the meeting & general neurosis being bandied about), & ducked into the can.

After relieving myself, I noticed a tray of brownies & helped myself to one. The contribution basket must’ve already made the rounds because the speaker was choosing people from the floor to ‘share’ at this point. The brownie was home-made & frankly a pretty tasty brownie. After not seeing anyone in the room I recognized, I turned on my iPod & finished the brownie.

Then I washed up & headed home — feeling thankful for the brownie & that I was not among the roomful of crazies who needed to ‘share’ their dirty emotional laundry late on a Friday night in NYC. I live up the block from Elaines & Jack Nicholson was dining there this evening. I ordered a seltzer with lime & when the great man was stepping out I took the opportunity to shake his hand, tell him I was a big fan of his since “The Last Detail” & congratulate him on the Lakers winning the championship. He slapped me on the back, said, “Thanks. We deserved it. Take care.”

I went home very happy. I feel no regret about using the meeting for a safe place to relieve myself nor for glomming a brownie.

Is god going to avenge this transgression of mine? Let me know so I can keep an eye out — I’ve given god the slip before & if somebody can give me a heads up I’m pretty sure I can handle it this time, too.

Keep coming back … if you need to use the bathroom & have a sweet tooth.