You Never Win

LUNATICS ANONYMOUS: I have been sober for two years today. You’re not sober, you’re just abstinent. OK, I’m just abstinent, not sober and I haven’t had a drink for two years. You might be abstinent but, you’re not sober. You’re just a dry drunk. OK, I’m just a sober dry drunk. No, you’re not sober. OK, I’m just an abstinent dry drunk. You might be dry but, you don’t have sobriety. I thought I was sober. You might be sober but, you don’t have good sobriety. Is there a difference? Yes, there is. There is abstinent sobriety but, you have bad sobriety. What, I have bad sobriety? Yes, because you are not in recovery. I thought I was in recovery whereas I haven’t had a drink in two years. You’re not in recovery, you are only around recovery. You never recover. I thought that because I’m in recovery that I was sober. No, you never recover, you’re just abstinent. But, I attend A.A. every day. That doesn’t matter because, you are only around A.A., and you’re not in A.A. But, I’m in the program. Yes, you’re in the program but, you’re not working a good program. OK, I’m only around A.A., working a bad program and not sober. But, I am working the 12 steps. No, you only think you are working the steps. I thought if I was abstinent and attending A.A. that I was in recovery. No, that’s your problem, you only thought you were sober. I thought that I had good sobriety as I was attending A.A. That’s another problem you have. You’re thinking, when you were told to sit down, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. But, I can’t talk with the cotton in my mouth. That’s good, because you don’t know what you are talking about, just sit there for 90 days and don’t talk or think. But, I think I am sober. No, you’re just not drinking, you don’t have quality sobriety. What, there is good sobriety and bad sobriety and now quality sobriety? Yes there is and you don’t have either or. You’re just a dry drunk. How can I be drunk if I’m sober? I told you that you’re not sober, you’re just not drinking. OK. F**K this bullshit, I think I’ll go the bar and have a few drinks.

Re-posted with permission from Lunatics Anonymous

 

Another AA Sexual Assault

Here is a story out of Winnipeg about an AA whose character flaws include raping and beating women. His first victim was his ex-wife, who he met at an AA meeting. Naturally, AA welcomed him back with open arms. The second victim was another woman he had 13th stepped in AA and started dating, and though they had stopped dating, she remained his friend, and drove to his home to help him when he phoned her in a drunker stupor. She was met with this:

The man put duct tape over her face, bound her hands and legs together and then sodomized her. He also demanded she call her 18-year-old daughter to come over so he could sexually assault her while she watched. She was repeatedly beaten when she refused. The man also threatened to hit her with a lead pipe.

I wonder why this woman’s higher power™, an all-knowing AA god who was kind  enough to take away her shortcomings and keep her sober, would not keep her out of harms way by advising her not to show up at this guy’s home to help him in the first place.

Ask a true AA believer, and you will be told this guy was obviously not working the program correctly, or he would not have been drunk in the first place. Or, maybe he was not a real alcoholic, as the steps only work for real alcoholics. What I wonder is why his higher power™, who was standing idly by, waiting for him to really start working those steps properly, would not step in and intervene in this situation. It seems like if He (the higher power) were going to allow this guy to victimize a person, He would have forced this AA to grab a bat or a baton and sodomize himself. Now that would be a higher power™ I could believe in.

 

Tell Us Your Story

One common theme I have seen with former AAs is that there is often a moment of clarity when they finally agree with that voice in their head that something was amiss, and that the program that they had signed up for – a quit drinking fellowship – was indeed much more. Sometimes it is a single incident, like the actions of a sponsor, or something said by another member that was particularly absurd, that gave their head a shake. With others, it was simply the totality of it all, and they knew that if they were subjected to one more aphorism, or one more trite slogan, they felt like their heads might explode.

What was your moment? When did you finally have enough? Was it a particular event, or was it a process. I would be interested to hear from those who have left AA. A reverse drunkalog, if you will. What caused you leave, and what difference has it made for you.

 

Get SMART

EZ just gave us a link to a good  article about SMART Recovery. Thanks, EZ!

 

Denial

By Dan –

Denial (the technique):

The abusive manipulation of the subject wherein both agreement to and denial of an accusation confirm the accusation. This methodological technique of breaking down the subject’s resistance to control and manipulation was borrowed by Freud from Nietzsche’s claim to understand the mind’s of those long dead for the purposes of undermining their professed beliefs. In psychoanalysis, any statement by the patient is interpreted to confirm the analyst’s preconceived diagnosis, invariably based on the Freud’s (evil and preposterous) insistence that all neuroses, that is, behavioral problems, derive, ipso facto, from suppressed childhood sexual lust for the opposite parent. The idea is, “I hear what you’re saying, but know what you’re unconscious thoughts are.” In other words, the subject is “in denial.” There could be no greater abuse of the notion of self-hood than convincing the gullible that their own thoughts are lies, for no other purpose than to suit the preconceived notions of the therapist or sponsor in proselytizing the fanatical, quasi-religious cult of AA.

 

How AAs Play Doctor

I know from that title that you are probably thinking I have some salacious descriptions of 13ths stepping. Well, get your minds out of gutter, people. I’m talking about playing doctor for real, and discouraging people from taking their prescription medications. It does not just happen, but it is rampant, and it is very common among the more hardcore AAs. “You’re just replacing one drug with another,” is the common line.

Below is a link to a survey done among AA members on their experiences with playing doctor in AA. Almost one-third of members have had another member discourage them from taking their prescribed medications, and an additional 20% know of other members who were pressured to discontinue their medication usage. That is just about half of the AA population. Ask an AA if they have ever seen it, and they become like a witness to a mob hit, and deny having ever seen this type of thing happen.

Alcoholics Anonymous and the use of Medications to Prevent Relapse: An Anonymous Survey of Member Attitudes

 

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ Slogan Contest!

Update Update: We have some pretty good ones. Agent Mango came with some nice ones. It is kind of nice to see that most of our AA friends don’t like the slogans and aphorisms, either. Just so you folks know, I am using one of these pens, and it writes really well. It has nice feel to it.

UPDATE: These are supposed to be your creation, not slogans already in use. I’ve seen three pretty good ones so far:

“AA: Because thinking is hard” by Sunny
“It’s time to harvest the crust from your eyes” by Sunny
“Just Quit, It’s the Bees Knees” by Tony (must be said sarcastically, but still not bad)
“I have a disease that tells me I don’t have a disease” me, which I stole from Corky the Twelve-Step Monkey
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It’s time to put on your thinkin’ caps and stir up those creative juices, kids. We are having a competition to see who can come up with the best thought stopping AA slogan. Submissions will be graded on catchiness, inanity, wit, thought stoppability, serenity, flavor and rigorous honesty. Everyone is eligible. Easy does it!

The winner gets this inspirational serenity pen (really, we’ll send it to you):

Good Luck!!!

 

Ninth Stepping With Tiger Woods

We knew it would come, and after three months of laying low, Tiger Woods has come out with his 9th step mea culpa. With all the sincerity of a guy who got caught, Tiger decided to make amends to those to those for whom he could give a shit before his harem of homewreckers came crawling out of the woodwork looking for their fifteen minutes. It was beautiful to watch. He listed out those he had harmed, invoked his religious philosophy, and with hand on heart, promised to keep it in his pants from now on.

It was a well crafted apology, hitting the points any good amends will contain, and though it didn’t include the required slogans and aphorisms – most likely because those editing it had not been conditioned by twelve-step programming – it was still unilateral,  as is any good amends letter, with reporters being disallowed from asking questions. Once Tiger begins to speak openly and off the cuff, the slogans should come rolling with ease of anyone subjected to 45 days on in-house rehab is able to do.

I must confess that I am ignorant of sex addiction treatment. Unlike standard 12-Step drug and alcohol treatment, sex addiction is not treated with complete abstinence. This would not be a problem for most guys in Tiger’s situation, considering the fact that he is married to a smoking hot Swede, and his trysts (at least the ones who went public) were with mostly butterfaced* skank. My guess is that Tiger would be a good candidate for Moderation Management. That might teach him that if he can’t keep it in his pants, he can at least keep it in his family — and he would not be subject to another humiliating episode of making a public amends.

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*Butterface - Her body ain't bad, but 'er face needs some work.

 

Quote of the Day

“I have to say I had a few experiences that were VERY questionable, but the one that took the cake was taking a sponsee through a fifth step. She shared she was afraid to go back to meetings because she had shown up very drunk for a meeting, shared that she needed a safe ride home and was taken home by an “old timer” and fucked.

Months later, he sat on sex and dating panels at our young people’s conference. His friends knew what he was doing and never called him out. People nodded when he spoke in meetings and told him he was so insightful. And he was full of shit.

I’m now about 9 months into AA “deprogramming” and have completely flipped my life. Lost friends, new social scene, new habits – It’s shitty, but I’m finally being genuine. I can love myself, question what people tell me, and know that I never was an alcoholic.”

– “Skye”, former AA and reader of this blog, commenting on an article about predators in AA

 

Quote of the Day

“… Here’s some further stats for you ~ those who claim AA doesn’t work, are typically boozers who don’t want to work the program, because like it or not, that program works if you work it…end of story.”

– Live n Let Liv, AA, responding to a review of the book The Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes