Hey underlings, God here — or ‘HP’ for you 12-step adherents.
As you know (especially those of you in “conscious contact” with me) I’m an all-knowing, all-powerful, intervening force who’s eternal & (unless you want to be a smarty-pants & want to cite some passages attributed to me in the Old Testament & Qu’ran) all good. Bear in mind, my children, I’ve been doing this all-knowing, all-powerful thing for a very, very, VERY long time (6 thousand plus years for you evangelical types, 15 billion or so years for those of you scientifically inclined, all eternity [beyond the notion of ‘time’ if your Thomas Aquinas]). Put bluntly, that’s more than a bit of a ‘while’.
Even for us omnipotent types, that can get … a little tiring.
Put even more bluntly, I’m friggin’ tired.
So, after catching all you American-born of my children celebrate & relax over your “4th of July Holiday Weekend”, I’ve decided I’m going to take a little vacation of my own. And, lemme tell ya, controlling ‘the wills & lives’ of all you 12-step types the world over is a LOT of me-damned work. Frankly, I’m pooped. That & I’ve got to attend to the unanticipated collision of a dual giant black-holes situation in the deep galaxy. There’s (non-alcoholic) sentient beings in that little bit of galactic real estate who are pretty close to my heart, too, so I want to lend them a helping hand.
Once I take care of this dual colliding giant black-hole thing, I am — as they say ’round the way — just straight up chillin’, yo. For the forseeable future. Got it?
So your ‘wills’ & your ‘lives’ are in your own hands. You can mumble all the ‘Serenity Prayers’ you want; they’re just gonna fall on deaf ears. I don’t care how many things you feel like ‘turning over’; I ain’t picking up the ball that you fumbled.
I’m kicking it large.
Out to lunch.
You end up drunk, high, having unprotected sex, or gambling away the mortgage for third time, I don’t want to hear about it. Tie your own me-damned shoes, pull up your me-damned drawers, & get down to the issue of taking care of the problem ON YOUR OWN.
Remember — and having said this some 4 thousand years ago to my peeps in Jerusalem I would think it would have sunk in by now — I help those who help themselves. Throw a deity a break, here. Wipe your own asses, already.