We knew it would come, and after three months of laying low, Tiger Woods has come out with his 9th step mea culpa. With all the sincerity of a guy who got caught, Tiger decided to make amends to those to those for whom he could give a shit before his harem of homewreckers came crawling out of the woodwork looking for their fifteen minutes. It was beautiful to watch. He listed out those he had harmed, invoked his religious philosophy, and with hand on heart, promised to keep it in his pants from now on.

It was a well crafted apology, hitting the points any good amends will contain, and though it didn’t include the required slogans and aphorisms – most likely because those editing it had not been conditioned by twelve-step programming – it was still unilateral,  as is any good amends letter, with reporters being disallowed from asking questions. Once Tiger begins to speak openly and off the cuff, the slogans should come rolling with ease of anyone subjected to 45 days on in-house rehab is able to do.

I must confess that I am ignorant of sex addiction treatment. Unlike standard 12-Step drug and alcohol treatment, sex addiction is not treated with complete abstinence. This would not be a problem for most guys in Tiger’s situation, considering the fact that he is married to a smoking hot Swede, and his trysts (at least the ones who went public) were with mostly butterfaced* skank. My guess is that Tiger would be a good candidate for Moderation Management. That might teach him that if he can’t keep it in his pants, he can at least keep it in his family — and he would not be subject to another humiliating episode of making a public amends.


*Butterface - Her body ain't bad, but 'er face needs some work.