Hey kids! Get out your freshly sharpened no.2s and put on your thinking caps, because it’s time for the Stinkin’ Thinkin’ Pop Quiz!

Here are your instructions: Read over the passages below (redacted for anonymity – these edited parts will appear as “[…]”) and then answer the question underneath. Post your answers in the comments, and feel free to show your work. Googling does not count as work; it counts as cheating. When everyone puts their pencils down, I will post the answers, the full quotes, and the links so that you can verify the answers for yourselves. There will be a potty break in an hour.

1. hello…my name is alex __________ and im a__________. After being at this ___________ site i saw how rediculous the person was. (whoever made that site) they obviously have NO idea what he/she is talking about. if they had tried it for themself and they were too stupid to understand what it was all about and actually TRIED to make it work, then fine..i could understand it more.

Is Alex:

  1. a Scientologist
  2. a consumer of homeopathic medicine
  3. an Amway salesman
  4. an AA member

2. It is a fact that many of the people who end up visiting __________ do so as a last resort, when nothing else is working. […] There will always be rogue __________ and bad ___________, but that is true of any __________. Above all we should be careful of dismissing the testimony of millions who say ___________worked for them.

Is this person talking about:

  1. Chiropractic Medicine
  2. Soul Retrieval
  3. Homeopathic Medicine
  4. Alcoholics Anonymous

3.I think that you need to do some more research. Open your mind a little and get over all the dogma. There is so much more out there […] …you should research, explore, seek the truth. Don’t just follow ____ blindly. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Is this person talking about:

  1. Jesus
  2. Sylvia Browne
  3. Kevin Trudeau
  4. Bill Wilson

4. I have read many books. None have affected me so profoundly, or given me the answers I have sought as directly, and accurately as this book. If you will read this book and APPLY the information in it’s pages, you will succeed. […] The people who would read this book and “slam” it are those who are uninformed […] and closed-minded about it. Even those who say they are and have been _______ for “years”. […] If you approach the book with an open mind, you will gain very valuable information.

The author is talking about which book:

  1. The Bible
  2. A book about Amway
  3. The Book of Mormon
  4. The Big Book

5. Read it through and honestly look for ways that it deliberately misleads people. But do us all a favor and do this study with an open mind. I know that you’ll come to find that your current suspicions and preconceived notions will melt away like candle wax in a forest fire once you do an objective study. Read it yourself and do an objective study, not listening to what others say. Think for yourself man!!! And whether you like or not, Ill be praying for you.

This author is:

  1. A Creationist
  2. A follower of Kevin Trudeau
  3. A Scientologist
  4. An AA member

6. No matter how happy or successful a person may seem, that concealed hollow place in the heart remains unavoidably without peace and contentment as it gnaws at what little self-made pleasure one does have until […]. It could be for similar or different reasons your heart aches as mine once did. Maybe you have that empty feeling inside that you have tried to fill with __________. Aside from the will of God for your life, you have tried in vain to fill in the void with __________, but it ended up being a temporary pleasure. You tried everything to reach out to happiness. You tried everything to let go of the pain, but you never have tried __________.

This is the author of:

  1. A Christian gay cure blog
  2. A Evangelical Christian blog
  3. A White Supremacist blog
  4. An AA blog

7. With all due respect ________. I stumbled across your site by accident for some reason or other. I have no intention of getting into a debate about this or arguing. I suggest you look into __________ more carefully. Do yourself a favour and go and speak to some of these __________ yourself. Heart to heart with an open mind. You would be surprised at the good __________ is doing in peoples lives.

Peter’s site is anti:

  1. Amway
  2. Religion
  3. Magnet Therapy
  4. Alcoholics Anonymous

8. The girls in the jail said __________ came on Monday nights. I had arrived on a Tuesday and had to wait a full week. But their visit was canceled. I was more than a little disappointed. I thought to myself, “Wow, I really was excited about seeing them!” I didn’t know why. But by the next Monday, I was ready for them! I think God was preparing my heart during those two weeks in jail. He gave me time to sober up and realize my hopelessness and my need for Him.

One of the ___________ was named __________. She handed out little papers with parts for each of us to read aloud, so that we could take turns. I think mine was number three and I could feel something building up inside my heart. My turn came to read and I began to read aloud…

Is this:

  1. A Christian Conversion Narrative
  2. A Drunkalog

9. There is no guidelines on what all, or even the majority, of __________ believe. […] but since __________ is not an organized religion, has no leaders, is eclectic, and predicated upon each individual’s experiences, needs, and practices, there will never be a consensus on “what __________ believe.” There is no __________ version of the Catholic Church’s Holy Office to seek out and punish unorthodoxy.

This author is:

  1. Atheist
  2. Wiccan
  3. Goth
  4. AA

10. You know, you are a sad little man with a broke mentality. You have nothing better to do than writing inaccurate stories about __________ and how it works. You know, I am a __________ and I have not experienced anything you are writing about. You need to get a life and start doing something more productive with your life instead of spending half your time blogging crap about an awesome __________.

This author is an angry:

  1. Satanist
  2. Amway Salesman
  3. Neuro-Linguistic Program(ist?)
  4. AA Member

11.Another way __________ “load[/s] the language” is by the[/ir] use of catch-phrases which involve a sort of circular logic. Some common phrases include: “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll get what you’ve been getting,” and “If you do what everyone else is doing, you’ll get what everyone else is getting.” A third phrase, used by […], actually contradicts the first phrase: “Just keep doing what you’re doing….”

This skeptic is talking about:

  1. Zig Ziglar
  2. EST
  3. Amway
  4. AA

12. What most people, and those who are prideful, thinking they can do anything if they try hard enough can change any behavior […]. WRONG. There is line, which most will not admit,once crossed they are unable on there own can change or be free from. This dark truth covers the seven sins, and when man oversteps that line there is no hope but for a spiritual solution. Rant and rave all you want the truth cannot be changed. This is the human conditon for those who have not reached this point […], those who profess to be able to control there choice have not reached the hopelessness that can come, […] and are fooling themselves. We are spiritual as well as physcial, and like it or not we have very little or no power when we reach some truths about are condition. This may sound harsh, but I found I could not get any help until I knew the truth about myself.

In defense of:

  1. Past Life Regression
  2. Soul Retreival
  3. Ramtha
  4. Alcoholics Anonymous

Extra Credit:

This is a comment from an AA member, in response to criticism of AA:

“YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG !! LOL NUFF SAID”

For 10 extra points, please write a paragraph about how this person effectively smacked down his anti-AA opponent, demonstrating AA principles.

Good luck!