To balance the equation, I would suggest:
- Half – to – three-quaters a bottle of mouthwash (standard 52% proof by gallon)
- A whole lot of splashes of aftershave (maximum — 153% proof; topically applied, not terribly effective)
- Just drinking a goddamned shot of bourbon
There, I’ve said it — if you’re looking to ‘slip’ then avoid cheesecake, mouthwash, perfumes, or gulps of aftershave & go for the real deal.
Now you’re a ‘real alcoholic’ again. Go to a meeting, repent, turn on the waterworks, & plead for the helping hand of god.
Or just grow the f**k up & realize that alcohol intake is by & large intentional. No amount of cheesecake, mouthwash, or aftershave is going to send you into the dreaded AA ‘compulsion’/’obsession’ unless you’ve trained your mind to correspond to that ridiculous notion.
The tooth fairy, however, is empirically proven to leave a quarter under the pillow of every child who places a lost baby tooth there as a matter of fair, capitalist compensation.
The world is full of magic & miracles. You just have to know who’s selling.