To balance the equation, I would suggest:

  1. Half – to – three-quaters  a bottle of mouthwash (standard 52% proof by gallon)
  2. A whole lot of splashes of aftershave (maximum — 153% proof; topically applied, not terribly effective)
  3. Just drinking a goddamned shot of bourbon

There, I’ve said it — if you’re looking to ‘slip’ then avoid cheesecake, mouthwash, perfumes, or gulps of aftershave & go for the real deal.

Now you’re a ‘real alcoholic’ again.  Go to a meeting, repent, turn on the waterworks, & plead for the helping hand of god.

Or just grow the f**k up & realize that alcohol intake is by & large intentional.  No amount of cheesecake, mouthwash, or aftershave is going to send you into the dreaded AA ‘compulsion’/’obsession’ unless you’ve trained your mind to correspond to that ridiculous notion.

The tooth fairy, however, is empirically proven to leave a quarter under the pillow of every child who places a lost baby tooth there as a matter of fair, capitalist compensation.

The world is full of magic & miracles.  You just have to know who’s selling.