Bonus: Not a slogan in sight.

From Cary Tennis’s March 19th Since You Asked advice column, “Sober and Boring” at Salon. An excerpt:

I crave your attention but I can’t do the old strip-tease for free. A body’s got to get paid. Truth be told I still want your whispered admiration and your secret envy of my coolness but not enough to wreck my car and go to jail for it. I have to be the boring one in the crowd of loud laughter or go down screaming to an early grave. I’ll live with that. I’m in it for the long haul now. Survival is my trump card. Survival breaks scissors, cuts paper, covers rock. My premature death lacks a certain je ne sais quoi, however amusing it might sound over Jameson and darts or a deafening Damned show where anyone skinny enough to wear all black and play guitar and shoot brown heroin in the men’s room can get on the guest list. Do the math.

-ftg

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